Still Dreading Valentine’s Day

Yep, I still hate Valentine’s Day.  I know I’m not alone. All single people hate Valentine’s Day and even some married people. It’s the day that you’re reminded that either you’re still alone or that you’re so called “valentine” sucks because they didn’t do anything to make you feel special. Speaking from both sides of the fence, feeling alone in your relationship can be far worse and devaluing.

Let’s face it, women are sometimes hard to please and men just assume that this is one day of the year when they may get lucky because they bought you flowers.  Well, be grateful for those flowers because all I woke up to this morning was a text from some old fling probably hoping to hook up. You would think this dummy would get the hint since I haven’t responded to any of his texts over the last year.  If you’re too stupid to figure that out, then you’re way too stupid to date me.

I hate to sound harsh, but seriously if someone keeps texting and you don’t respond why the hell won’t they take a hint?!  I feel bad not responding, but why engage in the conversation if I have zero interest?  Sure, he’s gorgeous with a great body but he’s dumb as a stump and I just can’t deal with that.  The last time I replied to be friendly, he asked for a “pic” and when I said I don’t like sending pics, he responded by sending me a gym selfie, as if that was going to make me change my mind. (Insert eye rolling)

I know what you’re thinking…you’re being a bitch and that’s why you’re still single after 5 years. Well, maybe you’re right about me being a bitch, but I assure you that’s not why I’m still single. I’m still single because I learned something very valuable over the past several years and that’s to never settle for anyone who doesn’t treat you like your Valentine every day. If you have to work to make them notice you or you feel like they only want you when they want you, then you’re better off being alone.

One year ago today, I wrote my first blog post. This is a special day for me–not because it’s stupid Valentine’s Day, but because it’s my anniversary.  The anniversary of the day I started speaking my truth and sharing my story…the anniversary of the day I started on the journey to loving myself. Happy Valentine’s Day to me!

This year has been filled with highs and lows, joy and disappointment and best of all—the most valuable lesson I had to learn which is that hard times will happen to prove how strong I truly am. I found my voice. I realized my worth. I opened my heart. It took courage to open my heart to the world and share my inner most fears and pain with strangers and even more courage to share them with friends and people who know me.

If you told me I would write articles sharing my life with people a year ago, I would have told you that you’re out of your mind! I have always been a private person never sharing too much on social media about my personal life, yet I felt a strong pull to share my story and the impact my divorce has had in my life, so that I may help one person know that they’re not alone.

We have all experienced pain and heartbreak and we can all relate to the intensity of its remnants. It’s what songs are made up of… It’s what love stories inspire. Everyone wants the happy ending. That is what I wrote about in that very first article. I wrote that I hoped that by this time next year, I would find love.  I still hold on to hope that maybe next year I will have a Valentine, but I’m not desperate for it. Who knows, perhaps I will find love this year or it may take longer . One thing I do know is that I’ve learned to love myself first and that gives me the strength to stand alone with an open heart.

The truth is I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable again. I held on to the beliefs that protected my heart. I rejected every single one of the men I went out with on the very first date. They weren’t good enough…at least that’s what I told myself. Perhaps they weren’t good enough. Let’s face it most of the guys I dated last year were complete dirt bags, but I wasn’t willing to even give them a chance either.

Granted, they probably didn’t deserve a chance, but even the good ones didn’t even stand a chance. I was scared. I put up this ‘tough girl’ persona right from the very start to let everyone know that they couldn’t pull one over on me.  The problem with that is even the good guys can’t see past that persona. I needed to soften my rough edges to attract the kind of love I desire, but I also needed to take this journey to undo years of feeling deceived. All of us bare scars from past loves but some of us take a little longer to heal.  Don’t let being alone on Valentine’s day make you feel less valued. Own it! Being single is not so bad and it gives you time to figure out what you really need and want. I know now I can love and trust again and this time I’ll know who deserves it. Do something nice for yourself this Valentine’s Day and put aside the pity party of being alone. Do you Boo!

With Faith, Hope and Love,

~Teresa