Getting the Love You Want

Have you ever met someone who was really attractive but they had bad energy? Or someone who is not very attractive but has a contagious personality? The reason attraction happens between two people is based on a chemistry that happens inexplicably. Which is exactly the reason why we need to take a deep look in the mirror and think about the energy we are giving off when you meet someone new. Do you like what you see? Do you feel you deserve to be loved and cherished? If the answer is yes, but…I wish I could lose a few pounds or my nose was a little smaller…or conversely you meet someone who seems like a genuine person but you wish they were taller or dressed better. This is all the negative energy that you may be putting out there without even realizing you’re doing it. You may be giving off bad vibes which create barriers that prevent you from finding healthy people to connect with.

I recently had a moment of weakness and joined an online dating site…again. I said I would never do it again after the first three failed attempts, but my 23-year-old daughter convinced me that it allows you to cast a wider net and gives you the opportunity to meet more people. I can’t really argue with that, now can I? Statistically it’s true and since I haven’t had a date in over 10 months, because I chose to stay away from the “man whores” I meet in bars…I figured why not give it another shot. At the very least it will give me good material to use in my book and entertain those of you reading my blog. I picked eHarmony thinking they may have more men that may be serious about finding a relationship versus some of the other sites that I found had mostly men trolling for sex. Well, so far…not so good. I’m only getting messages from guys like Lou, a 50-year-old accountant from NY, who’s idea of a good time is staying in and watching movies and “cuddling on the couch”. In other words, a snooze fest. Thanks but no thanks! I’m trying REALLY hard not to judge a book by its cover and keep an open mind, but seriously?!?

This is the problem with online dating. You don’t get to experience a person’s “energy”. You are inevitably going to judge a book by its cover because it’s all superficial. Online dating is based on a person’s looks in a picture that was probably from 5 years ago before they starting balding or put on a few pounds. (Which I have been guilty of myself…not the balding of course, but I certainly chose the best camera angles to hide my lovely lady lumps 😉
That said, I’m not going to give up. I might switch to a better dating sight, but I will keep hope alive that I may find the one for me in a sea of subpar trolls. After all, as I’ve said before, you have to have faith that the right person will come along when you least expect it. Don’t be desperate and settle for anything with a pulse and don’t hold on to false beliefs that all men are the same as the bad experiences from your past. Love, attraction, and chemistry don’t work that way. If you believe that there’s no one out there for you, then you will never give out the positive energy you need to attract them.

I read a lot of different articles and blogs about finding love and they all say the same thing that I have said before– you have to truly love yourself before someone else can love you. Well, some of you may ask, “what the hell does that really mean?” I love myself…most of the time…I think. I have positive energy dammit! Do you really? Are you masking feeling of insecurity and self-loathing with a phony smile and laughter? I know I do. I am a work in progress FOR SURE! Most of us are, but recently coming out of heartbreak, divorce and losing my job, I realized that I was in a negative place and that is exactly what kind of energy I was putting out there. That’s probably why I attracted a guy that was not good for me last spring. I was not in the right head space, so of course I wasn’t going to attract the kind of man that I deserve. Loving yourself means that you believe in your heart that you are an amazing person capable of finding someone who will treat you like the queen you are. Loving yourself means that you will never put up with a person disrespecting you or treat you like a” booty call girl”.

NEWS FLASH**Side chicks do not love themselves!! They are desperate women who have severe low self-esteem and self-worth and believe they don’t deserve to be “wifey material” and settle for sloppy seconds.** Can I get an amen?!

Loving yourself means that you know deep in your heart that you didn’t deserve to have your heart broken in the past and that you are willing to give your heart to that special someone who will care and protect you. Loving yourself means looking in the mirror and accepting your lovely lady lumps and knowing that a real man will love everything about you…even your so called “flaws”.
I want you to do something for me and it might seem corny or uncomfortable at first, but look in the mirror every day, with no makeup on (stand there naked if you have to) and really take a good look at yourself. Then find 5 positive things to say about yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful and worthy of love just the way you are. This practice will break the pattern you may have of focusing on all your flaws and feelings of insecurity. You are uniquely beautiful in a way that only you can be. Isn’t that something to cherish? That’s what loving yourself truly is and the only way that someone will be able to feel that positive energy that surpasses the physical self. Let the pain and insecurity go and love will follow.

With Faith, Hope, and Love
Teresa