Getting Out of Your Own Way

Throughout the past decade (or more) of my life I’ve dealt with some pretty difficult “life events”. If you’ve read my stories, you know most of them. I was married young and became a mother at the age of twenty. This was certainly not the life I would have envisioned for myself but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have three amazing adult children that I am so very proud to have in my life and I often say they are my greatest accomplishment.

Going through divorce was difficult but looking back, I’m proud of the fact that me and my ex-husband quickly came to an amicable place. I remember the day we went to court to finalize the divorce, we hugged each other goodbye and continued to have a cordial relationship for the sake of the kids and our own peace of mind. We were married for twenty years and basically “grew up” together. Neither of us had the maturity to communicate effectively at the time but looking back I think we will always have mutual respect and affection for each other.

Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine. There were many years I held on to the resentment and anger for the betrayal in our marriage, but now it seems like a distant memory of the past. In the beginning, he would still come over and help around to house but then he re-married three years later, and that all changed. Understandably so, I wouldn’t expect his new wife to be okay with him mowing my lawn and cleaning the pool. Now, we barely ever speak but when we do see each other at graduations for the kids, we always greet each other with kindness and respect.

I know it isn’t easy to let go of the pain of divorce but the longer you hold on to anger the longer you deny your own peace and joy. Trust me, easier said than done but if you can change your mindset and get out of your own way, that’s when things will change in your life. If we’re constantly complaining about our exes, our jobs, or the circumstances in our lives all we are doing is attracting more negative energy. The moment you decide that it’s time to let that all go is the moment you gain freedom from the pain of the past. You can’t see the future in front of you if you’re always looking in the rearview mirror.

We have to do the work. We can’t fast forward and deny the pain—we have to move through it. Trying to stuff down the reality of our anger, disappointment, and pain only masks the trauma. We hold that trauma in our bodies and it will inevitably lead to illness, depression, and/or anxiety. You have to be honest about the impact this has had on you and sit with it. Process it—then let it go. Forgive them for hurting you. Find peace in what this has taught you and grow from it.

I wish I had sought out therapy long ago but I guess I wasn’t ready. Having been in therapy for a few months now, I realized that it is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I was in a very low place when I started. I felt like life was unfair to me. One disappointment after another over the course of 15 years had me feeling hopeless. I was lost. I gave up on believing my life was going to turn around one day. Blow after blow had taken me to my knees and I didn’t know how to get back up.

I’m so grateful for my therapist. She showed me how to get out of my own way and take steps to make positive changes. The changes in my current situation haven’t changed but my mindset has changed and that has allowed me to find hope again. I’m drinking less and I’ve started going to yoga which has helped me tremendously. Connecting with your body in that way is transformative. Even though I suck at most of the poses, I’ve learned to give myself grace. It’s a practice and I may need a lot of “practice” to get better but it has already given me peace.

These small changes can make a world of difference. You have to envision the life you want and believe that it will happen. This not only allows you to clear out the cobwebs but it makes the everyday dread feel manageable because you know in your heart it’s only temporary. Having genuine positivity for the future will attract positive things into your life. Staying stuck in the past will only keep you there. Do yourself a favor and get out of your own way. You are the only thing keeping you from the life you want to create.

With Love,