Find Your Courage

Ironic that this is the title that came to me today, of all days. You see, I’m not feeling very courageous today. I’m actually feeling quite defeated. After months of months of searching for a new job that I would love, I had another big disappointment. I really thought this was the one and now I’m faced with the reality that all the years of experience, all passion I have for working with kids again, all the positive thinking, all my hopes that this was the perfect job for me…are shot to hell. Now those annoying little voices of fear, anxiety, hopelessness, defeat and failure are tapping on my shoulder reminding me of my precarious situation. Being a single mother with no job, is a scary place to be, so I have to find my courage. Again.
I know I usually write about divorce and relationships, but today I’m drawn to write about the fear of the unknown. Then it dawned on me that is the same feeling I felt when I was deciding to go through with my divorce. I worried about how I was going to support myself. I worried about how I would be able to take care of the house and my kids all by myself. I worried about being alone. We all fear the unknown. We all have to dig deep at some point of our lives and make that leap– knowing how unhappy we are whether it’s our relationships or our career. I recently watched an interview with one of my favorite authors. She has this book of quotes and this one really stood out to me…
“Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore”.
~Cheryl Strayed
Deciding to get a divorce, leave a lover, leave your job… all takes the courage to let go of this identity we have held onto about ourselves. We would rather stay in the safety of a miserable relationship or job in order to avoid the fear of the unknown. That’s the hardest part of taking that leap, of letting go of the person you once were. Forcing yourself to grow. Forcing yourself to reinvent yourself. Trust it and let go of the fear.
Easier said than done, I know. I’m still struggling to find my courage. I still listen to those annoying little voices tapping on my shoulder. I know that if I hadn’t made that leap and left my unhappy marriage and left my horrible job, I wouldn’t have found my joy. I found joy in writing. I found joy in my independence. I found joy in finding out who I really am and not what I thought someone wanted me to be. I know that through these hard times I am getting closer to finding out what brings me joy and happiness…finding my courage. Turns out I’m a pretty bad bitch! I have overcome a lot and I’ve come out the other side a better, stronger woman because of it. You can too. We all have the courage within us, even if that means tearing down those walls and letting your heart be broken again, or putting yourself out there and living your true purpose. We all have the same fears, but do you want to be the one standing on the sidelines watching your life go by or do you want to suit up and play the game? You decide. Listen to your intuition…your gut will always tells you what you need to know. Don’t always take the easy road because it’s safe. Find your courage…

With Faith, Hope and Love
~Teresa