Truth be told, I had never heard the term “cuffing season” until recently. For those of you (like me) who thought it might correlate to cold and flu season—well, let me enlighten you on yet another colloquialism related to dating. Cuffing season refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year. Cuffing season usually begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine’s Day. Yes, if you wondered if the word “cuff” has something to do with handcuffs…well you would be right. Nothing kinky like bondage or anything unless you’re into that sort of thing. Apparently, It’s another way of saying “hooking up” for the winter but dumping them after Valentine’s Day when you realize they need to go.
Although it’s a poor use of language during COVID—I think I’ve caught it. Please don’t judge me but the thought of being alone during another inevitable quarantine (in the winter no less) sends me spiraling into a deep depression. It’s been almost two years since I’ve been with anyone because I was holding out for true love and I still haven’t found it. Quite frankly, there’s nowhere to find a partner during a pandemic when you’ve promised yourself you wouldn’t subject yourself to online dating ever again.
Even if I do go out to a restaurant or an outdoor patio, people are behind masks and not able to intermingle so it would be a miracle to find Mr. Right. So, I’ve decided I’m just going to settle for Mr. Right now and endlessly scroll through my dating app to find some rando to spend time with this winter. Ugh! A part of me doesn’t want to subject myself to dating again but if I go into it expecting absolutely nothing maybe…just maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised. If nothing else, it will prevent me from being on anti-depressants fighting the winter doldrums during another lockdown.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to hook up with just anyone. I need someone with some substance and moral fiber who did not vote for Trump. I wouldn’t subject myself to a f**k boy who has a weekly line up of unsuspecting partners who are left in the dark. I feel like I’m pretty good at sniffing them out right away but sometimes in moments of weakness I’ve been duped like many of us. I just want a nice guy I can spend quality time with that makes me laugh. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship and I’m starting to wonder if it will ever happen. Perhaps if I take the approach that I just want “something casual” until after Valentine’s Day then at least I’ll have companionship once in a while. The problem with me is I know exactly what I want and don’t want and I rarely give it a chance if it doesn’t feel one hundred percent right. Perhaps that doesn’t even exist and I’m fooling myself.
Shamefully, I got sucked into another season of the Bachelorette and she blew up the whole season because she found the guy she wanted to marry immediately. That kind of fairytale stuff is what gets us in trouble. Women so desperately want to believe in love at first sight. You always hear couples saying, “You know right away when it’s right”. I’ve never felt that way in my life so maybe it does exist…I just have to be patient and wait for it. I’ve been single for almost ten years so I’m getting a little sick of waiting.
I’m at the point where I just want a warm body to cuddle with at night (which is so sad but true). I’m tired of being alone and this pandemic hasn’t helped any. It has made me even more acutely aware of how lonely it gets to be single and I will do anything to avoid that feeling this winter especially if we have nothing to do and can’t hang out with friends outdoors.
There has been so many ups and downs in 2020 and at times I felt so overwhelmed and hopeless. Between the pandemic, the protests, the election, being completely overwhelmed at work, and recently finding out I have to find another home by the end of the year—I’m just mentally and emotionally exhausted.
This weekend I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time listening to Biden and Harris try to unite our country, but there is so much healing that has to be done collectively and individually. I have never felt so alone in my life. Yet, I’m surrounded by the love of family and friends all the time. This experience has forced me to recognize that I really want to share my life with someone. To feel supported and loved. Companionship and feeling a deeper connection with another person are more important to our well-being than we realize.
Without it, we start to feel like there is no one that is there for us when it matters the most. I don’t know exactly what this whole year was trying to teach us but I do think a shift is happening to all of us. Good and bad. We have realized that life is so precious and we should never take it for granted. We’ve learned that we’ve been asleep at the wheel just rushing through life mindlessly. We learned that connection to loved ones is the most important thing in life. We’ve learned to count our blessings because not everyone has a life as easy as ours. We’ve learned that we need to be more aware of other perspectives and be open-minded to people who see life through a different lens.
I hope we come out the other side of this better than we were before. I hope love prevails. I can’t understand why people want to carry around so much hate and anger. It must be so exhausting. Love lifts us up and gives us hope for the future. If all you care about is being right and thinking you’re somehow better than others then you’re not living in love. You’re living in fear and scarcity –protecting your own self-interests instead of giving to others in need. I pray for peace and healing in my heart and in the hearts of others. We have a long way to go but we will make it through. Now I just have to make it through cuffing season! Lol