Since my last post, I have had a serious attitude change. What is it about the holidays that can bring out the worst in you? Today I took down my Christmas tree, cleaned my house, went on a long hike in beautiful weather for January in New England and I couldn’t be happier. I found myself singing and dancing around my house like a fool and thought about how good life is right now. I know what you’re all thinking…I must have fallen down and hit my head or had that lobotomy to change my negative thoughts. Perhaps I finally found a man or just got laid or something (yeah, right).
No, I assure you my long-standing track record with celibacy is still in tack. I just decided I was going to get divorced again. Don’t worry I didn’t run off to Vegas and get hitched without telling anyone. In fact, if I decide to ever get married again chances are I have truly lost my mind. I’m not getting divorced from a person—I’m getting divorced from the idea that life is hard and it keeps knocking me down. I’m divorcing the lie I’ve been holding on to that my life is a hot mess since my actual divorce and losing the career that I loved. Today I decided to divorce that little shit that keeps whispering in my ear all the negative things that keep me from living my full potential.
You see, it’s your perspective and your beliefs about your life that shape your reality. If you tend to be a glass half empty kinda person then guess what—you’re going to attract negative things into your life. People that have a positive outlook on life tend to have pretty easygoing lives. Do you think that’s just coincidence? I think not. Now, I’m not saying only positive things happen to positive people. We all face our challenges in life regardless of our mindset. It’s how you perceive those challenges is what makes the difference. Bad things happen to good people all the time. The life hack that I have come to understand is that we have to fully accept those challenges that come our way and not let them define you.
When we go through heartbreak, we often create absolutes that cause us to form a negative belief about being in a relationship with someone as a defense mechanism. If you’re going through a heartbreak or divorce right now you might be feeling like your life is over and you can’t take the pain another second. I get that—I’ve been there. The key is not to stay there that long. Yes, you have to feel the pain and despair but you don’t have to let it pitch a tent and live there for a few years. Moving past the trauma of divorce, heartbreak, death or a loss of a job is a tough thing to do. I don’t dare to diminish or make light of the devastation we feel when we are going through these awful circumstances. Just don’t forget that they are a part of life as humans and we all have to face the challenge of overcoming them.
If we allow the sorrow and fear to take up space in our minds, we begin to create a never-ending cycle of negative thoughts that shape our reality. We come to believe that our lives are somehow doomed for failure or we have adopted chronic bad luck like a disease we contracted. Well, I’m here to help you find the cure to mend a broken heart. I might not be a doctor or even a trained therapist but I’m damn good at helping people find insight and clarity when faced with painful experiences even if I struggle with it myself. After all, some of the best healers are the ones that have experienced the pain themselves. They become the “experts” because they know what it’s like to go through tragedy and come out on the other side.
That, my friends, is the gift I have been given. I couldn’t be more grateful for my divorce and falling on my face after losing my career. Without it, I would never have been compelled to start writing and wouldn’t have had the beautiful experience of touching other people’s lives with my stories. My vulnerability and willingness to share my own fuck-ups is the gift that keeps on giving. Every story that I write touches someone else’s life and that means more to me than any level of success I thought I had before. I want to inspire you to look through the lens and see your own greatness. I want you to take your own story and turn it into a lesson through self-reflection and self-love. It took me a while to get here but I finally see my circumstances from the outside in.
You see, for a long time I was living in the pain. I lived with shame and sadness and enveloped myself in it like a warm blanket. It was safe there. If I stayed wrapped up in my pain and despair then nothing could hurt me again. I stayed safe. Closed off from taking chances. Taking chances makes us feel vulnerable and there is nothing more frightening than opening ourselves up to the possibility of feeling that pain again. I thought I was protecting myself but really, I was just a scared little child afraid of the unknown. What if I get hurt again? What if I fail? We would rather stay safe than actually fail at something that matters. I’m on the outside seeing myself for the first time in a long time. I care less about being hurt again and more about never experiencing the joy that life can bring. Love is essential to our being.
We can’t hide from love and feel true fulfillment—we also can’t find love or give love until we truly love ourselves first.
That has been my greatest lesson through all of this. I finally can accept what is so that I can move forward to what will be. Even when all the little things go wrong in your day, you have to find your center and be grateful for everything you have. You can always find someone that has it worse. Be grateful for all the little things we take for granted each day. I may not love the job I’m in right now but I’m extremely grateful that it allows me to live a comfortable life. I want for nothing. I have so much more than most women do around the world. How selfish of me to forget that and not find gratitude each day. The moral of the story is to stop bitching about your life and be thankful for everything that happens good and bad. Even the bad parts are a gift that you needed to receive to show you a new path on your journey. Face the challenges with gratitude instead of regret and you will find that life has a new purpose for you to explore. Tomorrow is a new day and what a difference a day makes.