Recently I was out with my girlfriends and we had a little debate about love and relationships. Now, let me start by saying that I am usually the one labeled as “cynical” when it comes to relationships. However, during this somewhat heated debate, my girls were arguing that you can’t really trust anyone. WHAT?!? Come again?? They said that everyone has the capability of cheating and no matter how good your man (or woman) may seem…things can happen. I have to admit we were all a little tipsy by this time and I yelled back at them (playfully of course) “You call ME the cynical one??!!!
You see, I had made a statement that because I have had my heart broken by my husband of 20 years, that the second time around I was going to find a man that I could trust with my heart 100%. I want to believe that now that I’m older and wiser, I will see the signs if a man that I am dating had a propensity to cheat. My friend said that a man she was dating in the past, who she thought was her soul mate, completely shocked her when he ended up cheating on her. She said she would have bet her life on him being faithful to her…it turns out he was just a really good liar. I argued, “but there must have been signs that you see now”, she replied, “no, there wasn’t…I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives because I never had an inkling that he was capable of hurting me that way”. She went on to say that, you never really know if you can trust anyone completely.
In my relationship, I saw the signs early on, but I was young, naïve, and stupid in love thinking everything would change when we got married. In reality, he just got better about hiding it. Now I can see if a man has the propensity to cheat a mile away and I run in the other direction. All that said, my girls have a good point–you never really know if someone is going to be faithful for the rest of your lives–shit happens. A perfect example is that I know a few people in my life that I would’ve bet a million dollars on the fact that they would never cheat on their spouse and sure enough, they ended up in a situation where they got caught up in the intoxication of an affair and ruined their marriages. The reality is that you can never be completely sure that the person you’re with won’t hurt you. Love is surrendering to the one you are willing to take that risk with and allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. Love is having faith (blind faith) that the person you give your heart to will protect it and never betray your trust–that’s why loving someone is so hard. Feeling vulnerable and having your heart open is one of the toughest challenges to face after a divorce or break up. I have had a four year journey of healing my old wounds in order for me to move forward and allow love into my life again. Finding that special someone that I can allow myself to open my heart to, is what I believe I will find. I know he is out there and I’m willing to take the risk and begin healing the pain from the past.
Love is worth the risk and there is always the risk of being hurt again. In fact, the only way to truly heal is to work through those trust issues in a relationship and grow as a couple. My dear friend Julie, sent me this quote:
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair”