Dating Disasters After Divorce-Part 2

Okay, now it’s time to get real about what it’s really like out there in the dating world.  If you’ve done the work and given yourself and your kids time to heal after divorce, then maybe….just maybe you’re ready to get out there and start dating.  Inevitably, your friends have tried to introduce you to all of their single friends and nothing has really clicked. You’ve tried the online dating thing and realized there are slim pickins’ in your age bracket.  You might have even had a random encounter with a perfect stranger that you think may have the potential of being your next true love.  Then…..it happens.  Ladies, you probably know what I’m talking about. You meet this guy and he’s nice and cute and you start texting.  You think he’s funny and smart and you’re both interested in the same things.  While your thinking romantic dinner at a great restaurant, he’s thinking “booty call”.  Yep, this is what our society has come to.  Men leading with sex before they even bother to get to know you.  Women are just as bad, in fact, women are to blame. Now before you start writing nasty hate messages in response to my last statement, hear me out.

Call me “old school” but what ever happened to a man having to take you out on a date before you sleep with them???? Ladies (and I use that term loosely) where the hell is your self-respect?  Listen, I get it…we all have needs and I hate the double standard when it comes to women being “slut shamed” and men getting daps from their boys when they run around screwing everything in sight.  However…women were created to bring balance into the world and to uphold virtue.  We are the nurturers, the bearers of life, the more evolved of our species– if you will.  I’m sorry, but our society is going down the tubes because too many women accept less than what they deserve and just allow men to use them for sex and wonder why they get hurt when they realize that their man has had them in a rotation with three other women. WAKE UP WOMEN! Why do you keep falling for the same douche bags that tell you what you want to hear? Their actions speak much louder than their words. Trust me!

I have no problem with a woman consciously deciding to have a “friend with benefits” after a bad break up or divorce. When you mutually decide to have sex with no strings attached, it can be the best thing to help you get over your ex and scratch that itch at the same time.  The problem is that “dating” has a whole new meaning and expectation because women are too damn easy! Ladies….say it with me “I am a QUEEN and I will expect to be treated like one!” Please, please stop sleeping with every dude that tells you you’re pretty!  Women use to be put on a pedestal and treated with respect. Now men think it’s okay to start “sexting” before the first date because women have allowed it. We are the gate keepers.  We are the ones that need to demand respect and be treated like a lady.  I always taught my daughter that giving yourself to someone is a precious gift and you just don’t give that gift away to just anyone.  If you wouldn’t give away the keys to your car that easily then why the hell would you have less value for your body? Think about it.

I know I may sound like a prude, but I assure you I’m not.  I love sex just as much and the next gal, but I value myself enough not to just give it away to someone who doesn’t see my value. For me, dating has been a very disappointing experience.  I can’t believe how many men think it’s okay to start talking about sex right off the bat– sending me dick pics or porn thinking that would turn me on!  Eww, gross…no thanks. I will immediately put you in the “douchebag” category if you don’t have enough sense to get to know me and take me out before you proposition me for sex.  As a rule, we should wait at least 5 dates before we fool around with someone. Look for the red flags that he may be a man whore first. Here are the signs you may be dating a man whore:

1. He only calls you when it’s late asking you to come over and “watch a movie”. It’s a Netflix and chill invite ladies, even if he offers to make you dinner.
2. He always has his phone facing down.
3. He acts nervous out in public because he’s afraid to run into one of his side chicks.
4. He doesn’t take you out in public because you’re the side chick and he’s worried that his girlfriend might catch him.
5. He won’t tell you what his username is or friend you on Facebook or Instagram.
6. He always wants to go to your place and never his.
7. He goes ghost for a week with no explanation-no calls.
8. He says all the right things but his actions say otherwise.
9. He makes it obvious that he’s checking out other women and even has the nerve to flirt with them in front of you.
10. He objectifies women and there are more pictures of tits and ass on his phone than of his kids.

Now that you know the signs…STAY AWAY! Your Mr. Right is out there, you just have to love yourself enough for him to find you.

With Faith, Hope and Love,

Teresa