Cyber Dating Do’s & Don’ts

Phew! This dating thing can be exhausting!  I can’t believe my Tinder account is blowing up and I’m having trouble keeping everyone straight. Trust me, I’m not bragging—I feel a little guilty talking to multiple guys at one time– especially when they’re so nice and buying me dinner. But, men have been doing it for centuries, so why not beat ‘em at their own game?! Right?!  I find it to be nothing short of a miracle that I’m finding any decent men that I would consider dating, especially considering my past experience with online dating. All I can say it is incredibly interesting meeting new people and I’m keeping my options open.

This weekend I went on two more dates since my last post.  The first was with “Brooklyn” a cutie pie from NYC that now lives near New Haven.  We met in Middletown which has some great restaurants. We had a great dinner and conversation, then we went to shoot some pool at a local pub.  It was so fun!  He is definitely my favorite so far. He was very affectionate, but still a gentleman. There was definitely chemistry there and we already have a second date planned during the week. He has a lot of what I’m looking for; he was fun, very attractive with a contagious smile, a positive attitude, he loves to travel, has a good job, and not to mention nice biceps (which I love). Sure, he was a little on the shorter side (5’10”) and stuttered occasionally, but you can’t have it all I guess!

The second date was with “Mr. Prep School.”  We went to dinner in Springfield and the second I saw him, I thought “he’s tall and handsome, but he looks kind of nerdy.” Maybe it was the glasses or the way he carried himself, but there definitely wasn’t any instant chemistry like there was with “Brooklyn”.  The rest of the date proved that my first instinct was correct—he was nerdy.  He bragged about his prep school education and that he went to USC in Los Angeles, traveled the world, was good at sports, liked to dress well, and was close to his mama, but yet he manages a dollar store. :/ Not exactly a career to brag about…I know that sounds judgmental but, it was unusual for someone with his bragging rights. Just saying! He also did this strange thing when he was telling a story–he would turn his head and pretend he was talking to the person in the story, then turn his head the other way and talk back to himself in another person’s voice.  I was sitting there thinking how bizarre it was and trying not to crack up laughing at his little “role playing.”  People can be really strange creatures. Like I said, I find this whole thing FASINATING!

I’m really trying to keep an open mind and I’m learning so much along the way.  Here are some tips I want to share when it comes to being successful (and safe) when dating online.

DO’s & DON’TS:

• Be open to talking to multiple people and don’t be too picky. The last time I was on an online dating sight, I was dead set on only finding “Mr. Perfect.” I would dissect their profile and only talk to someone that I deemed “boyfriend material.”
• Always meet in a neutral public place and never go back to his place after the first date. Even if he seems like a gentlemen….Bill Cosby….need I say more? Too soon? Sorry, but we all thought we could trust Mr. Huxtable!
• Don’t make the first move. Men can smell desperation and it’s like repellent to them.  If you act like you can take ‘em or leave ‘em, they are more likely to be attracted to you. Remember men are the “hunters” so let them do all the work.
• Don’t be too guarded. I admit, that was me and to a lesser degree it still is. I was always overanylizing everything they said and putting my guard up if they said something I didn’t agree with. Just roll with it and see where it takes you.
• Don’t let them say inappropriate things before you’ve even met them. If you allow sexting before the first date, then you’re telling men that you are easy and just good for a hook up. Stop them in their tracks and let them know that you won’t tolerate it.  They will work harder at trying to get to know you as a person and take you on a real date without the expectation of sex.
• Be funny, but not too sarcastic. Some people don’t get sarcasm and it can be misinterpreted in text. (I’ve made that mistake all too often with my snarky comments.)
• Don’t post sexy party pictures. Your pictures say a lot about you and if you post pictures of you partying all the time, people with assume you’re a party girl that likes a lot of sex and you will attract the wrong kind of attention.
• Don’t pick guys who post nothing but party pics, shirtless gym pics, bathroom selfies with “come F-me eyes”, or pictures of their favorite super hero. These guys are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship, they’re just looking for a good time.
• Don’t ask too many questions. Let them take the lead. Men don’t want to feel like they are in a job interview when they’re on a date. You can scare them away if you seem like you are creating a mental check list in your mind with large red “X’s” next to their answers.
• Don’t look for perfection. No one is perfect. You may have to compromise in some areas, especially superficial things like looks, height and money.  You’d be surprised how attracted you can be to someone in person, even though their profile picture wasn’t really “your type”.
• Be clear about what your deal breakers are. If you’re talking to someone who wants kids, but you’re not willing to have more children, then don’t waste your time or his.
• Be honest. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, just to attract a someone. If you’re talking to someone that likes healthy food and adventure, while you like sitting on the couch watching football, eating wings and nachos…chances are you’re NOT compatible.
• Have confidence that you are a great person that is fun to be with. Never, put yourself down and point out your faults. That causes the person to see you as undesirable and insecure. Nobody wants that!

The last thought I want to leave you with is–just have fun!  Meeting new people is really interesting. Don’t be nervous and care too much about what they think of you or be self-conscious. Love who you are and if they don’t see what an amazing person you are, then it’s their loss.  It’s not a reflection on you or a sign of rejection, it is purely chemistry. Not everyone is for you and you may not be for them…don’t internalize it and feel like you’re not good enough.  It was just not the right match!  I really think that is why I’m having some success on this sight.  I went into it with an open mind and I’m not invested in having to find “Mr. Right”. I just wanted to meet new people and have some fun. You can’t get too caught up in the negative self-talk and be desperate to meet the man of your dreams. He will be there, when you least expect it, and you never know, you may find him online. Good Luck!

With Faith, Hope, and Love

~Teresa