Attention Dating Disorder
After the last date disaster, I thought it best to pump the breaks a little and re-evaluate the “power dating” approach. I decided to be a little more selective with whom I speak to and especially who I go out with. Which leaves me zero options. I was already very selective, so I guess that brings me back to square one. Which is very, very single. Let’s face it…I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
Online dating is like giving a kid a free pass in a candy store. People go online and have an endless supply of eye-candy to choose from and like that wide-eyed kid in the candy store, they want to take a bite out of each one and move on to the next before they finishing the one they have. It’s like ADD “Attention Dating Disorder”. Before you really get to know someone, you are on to the next and hording candy bars under the bed (or in bed). I really think it’s a new epidemic in our society that is putting “actual relationships” in jeopardy. Everybody is just hooking up and hoping for something more meaningful to come out of it and I hate to tell ya….It’s not working!
There is no real need for commitment anymore. As my mother always said….”why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” I know that’s a horrible analogy—referring to women as cows, but if the shoe fits heifer…wear it! :p
Men approach online dating very differently than women. Now I know…. I shouldn’t generalize and not all men are only looking for one thing, but let’s face it, men are very visual creatures and like to have plenty of options. That’s why men sometimes like to compete to see how many numbers they got when they’re out with their boys. The term “notches on their belt”, didn’t come from how many prayers they said that night! And don’t get me started on the psychology behind the billion-dollar porn industry…
Women on the other hand, tend to pick the one they like the most and focus on that one person. Again, not everyone fits this description, but I think everyone can agree that women are serial monogamists and prefer to have one man versus continually dating multiple men. I’ve only been “power dating” for two weeks and I’m already tired of it!
The whole process is interesting but discouraging at the same time. You go through this whole interview process to get to know someone, only to find out that they’re not the person you thought they were. Then you have to go through the whole process all over again with someone else. I’m open to finding love again, but I think it will happen more organically. This online dating is too surface and people don’t commit if they know they can move to the next person as soon as they find something they don’t like about the person they are seeing. I love this line from the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You” The character Mary, played by Drew Barrymore says…
“I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work so I called him at home and he emailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and he emailed my home account and the whole thing just got out of control! And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting!”
Obviously this movie is a little dated (2009), but now we have even more technologies to keep up with. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat….the list goes on and on!! Now these guys are asking me if I have “Kik” or “WhatApp” and I don’t even know what the hell they are!!! If you can’t give me your good old fashion phone number….there’s a problem!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming men for this problem, I’m actually blaming us women. We can be so high maintenance when it comes to expectations, but yet we expect men to stick around when we don’t value ourselves enough to keep our legs shut?! Why would they stay with you if you didn’t set up healthy boundaries in the first place– telling him that you want to be exclusive and be taken out on proper dates before you jump in bed with them? Especially when Susie Q down the block is willing and able anytime he wants it. We are kidding ourselves with this “women’s sexual revolution” belief. We want more than just sex…we want love and commitment. So do men for that matter, but we don’t show them our true worth. We cheapen ourselves and expect a different outcome. Only we are to blame.
I think we need a new sexual revolution where women stand up and say “No commitment…No sex!” Come back full circle to the good old days where men brought flowers on a first date…not condoms. :/ Otherwise we are going to continue to be cheated on by our spouses and be stuck in the online dating vortex of hell forever. We need to treat the epidemic of ADD in dating with that thing called self-respect.
I know I’m probably standing alone in this revolution, but if more and more women realize their value then men would too.
With Faith, Hope, and Love
~Teresa
