I finally did it. I put the crack pipe down and walked away. I deleted the dating apps from my phone and vowed to never return. I have come to the point where I realized that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to subject myself to the psychological fuckery that is found online. To those of you brave souls that found love online—congratulations, you have beaten the odds.
According to the latest research, only 5% of Americans that are married or in a long-term relationship met online. That coupled with the fact that statistically 66% of people using dating apps have not gone out on a date with someone they met online just proves to me that it’s a big fat waste of time and energy. I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery. Another depressing piece of data shows that leaving it up to fate gives you a 1 in 562 chance of meeting someone. Quite frankly, I think these statistics were collected by the company that owns dating sites. The numbers are not in my favor and this is why I’ve always hated math and barely passed statistics in my research psychology class in college. I’d rather be blissfully unaware.
There are actually several reasons that led me to my decision to ban dating apps from my life. The main reason is that I wasn’t finding the quality of men that I’m looking for in a partner. Sure, there are definitely good men on these dating sites, but for whatever reason, I was unable to find any. Like none…not even one.
One day, I woke up and realized that it was skewing my perception of all men and causing me to feel like the likelihood of meeting a decent, trustworthy guy was slim to none. That was the consensus of all the people I knew that were single and subjected to the torture of online dating. A large number of men (and sometimes women) are on dating sites to simply find sex. Some want sex with a number of people while others want to find sex with one person consistently without having to put in the work it takes to be in a committed relationship. These people aren’t going to be honest about their intentions nor are they going to have a change of heart. When someone is telling you, they’re not interested in a relationship—believe them. The fact that you are an amazing person isn’t going to make them change their slutty ways. They may tell you that…but they just want to keep you on the hook until the next time they are feeling lonely and make a booty call at 10 p.m. saying “You up?”
Even the men on these sites that do want a long-term relationship may not want that relationship with you necessarily. It’s not that there is something wrong with you—it’s just that you’re not the right fit and you continue to try to fit a square peg in a round hole. Physically and emotionally. I did it a dozen times, so I’m a part of the problem. I continued to talk, text or date someone that I knew was not the right fit for me because either I needed the attention or I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I was becoming the same douche bag that I complaining about. Then when I was honest and told them I wasn’t interested I felt like a jerk. Honestly, how can I get mad at men for ghosting me when I do the same thing? I can’t. It’s par for the course in the online world because it’s so easy to move onto the next shiny object that catches your eye and you justify your own rude behavior. I told myself that I didn’t know how to tell them that I’m not interested without hurting their feelings, but in reality, I was just being a chicken shit like everyone else. Women who generalize and say all men online are douche bags have to take a hard look in the mirror and admit that they do the same damn thing.
Hello, I’m Teresa and I’m an online dating addict. It’s been 10 days since my last hit. I haven’t ghosted someone in 10 days but every day is a struggle to not swipe right. You think I’m being funny, but the developers of these dating sites and social media use the same algorithms used at casinos to draw you in and pull the lever one more time on the slot machine. Every time you get a notification that someone “liked” you it sends dopamine to the brain that releases neurotransmitters that activate the pleasure centers of the brain. Using the famous psychologist, BF Skinner’s studies on irregularly timed rewards to reinforce learned habitual behavior, they have manipulated our minds to want more. Don’t believe me? Google it. I was spending so much of my downtime swiping left and swiping right then anxiously awaiting the next text from a guy I wasn’t even all that interested in. It became like “Candy Crack” but with men and I honestly think we forget that they are real people on the other end.
On the flip side, I’ve experienced a lot of people catfishing online as well. It was getting hard to decipher who was a genuine human being or someone that was trying to scam you. The amount of lying I’ve encountered is astonishing and it is causing me to lose hope in humanity. I just have come to believe it is psychologically unhealthy to be on these dating sites and I just don’t want to subject myself to the constant disappointment and false pretense.
So, how are you supposed to meet someone then? Well, my sister sent me an invite from a website called Meet Up for “Singles that hike”. I laughed and said, “Yea sure, meeting strange men in the woods sounds like a FANTASTIC idea!” I might as well hold up a sign in the middle of a dark parking garage saying, “Looking for a fun time?” Don’t get me wrong the “Meet Up” idea isn’t a bad one if you join a cooking or pottery class in a public place…I just don’t think it’s a good idea to make it easy for serial killers to hide your body in the woods. Call me a cynic, but I’ve seen too many crazies out there to let my guard down completely. As I’ve said before, I will leave it up to fate to find the love of my life and if it takes years to find him, so be it. I will continue to live a happy life with friends and family and love ME. Being single isn’t so bad. I like my freedom and I don’t need anyone to make me happy. I already am. Well, most of the time anyway. 😉
With Faith, Hope, and Love,