To Be or Not To Be

I’m running out of inspiration. Why, you ask? Because I’m not feeling that instant connection like you read about in Shakespeare or like you watch in all the stupid “Rom Coms” that have given women a false sense of reality when it comes to love and romance.  If only I could take certain aspects from each of the men, I have dated and morph them together into my ideal man.

I am just unimpressed with the selection I have been given. I just want that spark, that chemistry!  (Although, I am still seeing the British Actor and I’m enjoying our time together.)  I want that undeniable romance like in my favorite movie “The Notebook”.  Yes, I know that might be unrealistic, but everyone always tells me, “you will know when you find the ONE”.  Will I? Seriously?

The one positive thing is that has come out of this dating experiment, is that the more I date the more clarity I get on what I want and what I DON’T want. (Mostly what I don’t) Here they are in a nutshell:

  • I want someone who is intelligent, but I don’t want someone who thinks they know it all and goes out of their way to prove that they are right and I am wrong. No Mr. Know It All’s!!!
  • I want someone who is fun and has a great sense of humor, but I don’t want someone who thinks everything they say is funny. They also have to appreciate my unapologetic sarcasm, so if they have a fragile ego, then they won’t survive.
  • I want someone who is ambitious, but I don’t want a workaholic that puts work before anything else in their life. I also don’t want someone who feels the need to obtain more degrees and more status in order to feel complete. (I was married to that guy for years and I recognized that it was to mask feelings of not being good enough.) Call me superficial, but “I don’t want no scrubs”. (TLC song) I want a man who has the means to at least take me on a nice date to enjoy great food and take me on weekend get-a-ways without breaking the bank.
  • I want someone who is social, but I don’t want a guy who is going out partying all the time. That’s my job!! Lol. The first thing I think of when I go out with a guy is whether they will fit in with my friends and family.  If I can’t see myself bringing him out to parties with my friends or a family dinner, then there is a BIG problem. If they’re not fitting in with my peeps…then…they gone! Sorry Charlie! That’s really important to me.
  • I want someone who is open and honest, but I don’t want someone that is too mushy or desperate to keep me right off the bat. I can admit, I have intimacy issues. (duh)  It takes me a long time to open up to a man, so if he is trying to look deeply into my eyes and professing his love too soon, it usually makes me want to run for the hills!  Later Gator! Or should I say Overeager Beaver?
  • I want someone who is interested in my needs and desires, but I don’t want someone who is a push over and does anything to please me at their own expense. Doormats will not get anywhere with me.  I need a man that is equally strong and sensitive.  Someone who is “balanced”. I want them to want to spend time with me a few times a week, but not smother me.  I have my own life and I’m not willing to give that up for anyone.

Now, I know what you’re all probably thinking…she’s a walking contradiction and delusional if she thinks she’s going to find all these qualities in one man!  Well, maybe so, but that is what I want and that is what the universe will bring to me…so there!

I was talking to a good friend this weekend, who is has been single for a few years and both of us were asking ourselves what we really want and why is it so hard to find.

Well, the first reason is because a part of us has been blocking it. No matter how much you think you want something or someone, if you are sending mixed signals, then it won’t happen. Whether it is because of fear or not feeling good about ourselves physically, we are giving off the vibe to stay away.  That has been a large factor for me in the past year.  I had gained a lot of weight after losing my job and I couldn’t stand the thought of being intimate with someone. I was hiding away because I didn’t like the way I felt about my body and didn’t think any man could possibly find me attractive.

Well, we all know that isn’t true. Lots of men love curvy, voluptuous women and now more than ever, thanks to models like Ashely Graham and the Kardashian big bootie craze, more and more men are appreciating all different shapes and sizes. However, I realized I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin and my lack of confidence was repelling men. So I decided to get serious about making a change and I lost weight. I still feel I have a little way to go but that said, I am embracing my body and embracing my curves and attracting men that absolutely love the way I look. It has more to do with the energy you put out, than how well your jeans are fitting.

The other factor is that, my friend and I are both very independent women, who won’t settle for less.  We joked about how we don’t really want to get married and we really don’t ever want to share our bed or TV remote again either. Lol! We like our independence and it will take a special kind of man to allow us to enjoy our freedom, but still make us feel like we are their number one priority.  I really don’t think that is too much to ask…is it?  That’s what I want and I’m sticking to it! Unless, I fall for a man that I can’t stand to be apart from and if that happens then I will gladly share my bed with him…just not my remote. 😉 They will have to endure watching all of the Real Housewives of every major city in America. Like it or not.

My advice is to be clear about what you want.  Write it down in a journal and believe that it will happen.  The universe has a funny way of manifesting exactly what you want, but you have to be clear about what that is and be completely open to receiving it. I love this quote from Wayne Dyer…quote Wayne Dyer

With Faith, Hope, and Love,