Still Dreading Valentine’s Day

Yep, I still hate Valentine’s Day.  I know I’m not alone. All single people hate Valentine’s Day and even some married people. It’s the day that you’re reminded that either you’re still alone or that you’re so called “valentine” sucks because they didn’t do anything to make you feel special. Speaking from both sides of the fence, feeling alone in your relationship can be far worse and devaluing.

Let’s face it, women are sometimes hard to please and men just assume that this is one day of the year when they may get lucky because they bought you flowers.  Well, be grateful for those flowers because all I woke up to this morning was a text from some old fling probably hoping to hook up. You would think this dummy would get the hint since I haven’t responded to any of his texts over the last year.  If you’re too stupid to figure that out, then you’re way too stupid to date me.

I hate to sound harsh, but seriously if someone keeps texting and you don’t respond why the hell won’t they take a hint?!  I feel bad not responding, but why engage in the conversation if I have zero interest?  Sure, he’s gorgeous with a great body but he’s dumb as a stump and I just can’t deal with that.  The last time I replied to be friendly, he asked for a “pic” and when I said I don’t like sending pics, he responded by sending me a gym selfie, as if that was going to make me change my mind. (Insert eye rolling)

I know what you’re thinking…you’re being a bitch and that’s why you’re still single after 5 years. Well, maybe you’re right about me being a bitch, but I assure you that’s not why I’m still single. I’m still single because I learned something very valuable over the past several years and that’s to never settle for anyone who doesn’t treat you like your Valentine every day. If you have to work to make them notice you or you feel like they only want you when they want you, then you’re better off being alone.

One year ago today, I wrote my first blog post. This is a special day for me–not because it’s stupid Valentine’s Day, but because it’s my anniversary.  The anniversary of the day I started speaking my truth and sharing my story…the anniversary of the day I started on the journey to loving myself. Happy Valentine’s Day to me!

This year has been filled with highs and lows, joy and disappointment and best of all—the most valuable lesson I had to learn which is that hard times will happen to prove how strong I truly am. I found my voice. I realized my worth. I opened my heart. It took courage to open my heart to the world and share my inner most fears and pain with strangers and even more courage to share them with friends and people who know me.

If you told me I would write articles sharing my life with people a year ago, I would have told you that you’re out of your mind! I have always been a private person never sharing too much on social media about my personal life, yet I felt a strong pull to share my story and the impact my divorce has had in my life, so that I may help one person know that they’re not alone.

We have all experienced pain and heartbreak and we can all relate to the intensity of its remnants. It’s what songs are made up of… It’s what love stories inspire. Everyone wants the happy ending. That is what I wrote about in that very first article. I wrote that I hoped that by this time next year, I would find love.  I still hold on to hope that maybe next year I will have a Valentine, but I’m not desperate for it. Who knows, perhaps I will find love this year or it may take longer . One thing I do know is that I’ve learned to love myself first and that gives me the strength to stand alone with an open heart.

The truth is I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable again. I held on to the beliefs that protected my heart. I rejected every single one of the men I went out with on the very first date. They weren’t good enough…at least that’s what I told myself. Perhaps they weren’t good enough. Let’s face it most of the guys I dated last year were complete dirt bags, but I wasn’t willing to even give them a chance either.

Granted, they probably didn’t deserve a chance, but even the good ones didn’t even stand a chance. I was scared. I put up this ‘tough girl’ persona right from the very start to let everyone know that they couldn’t pull one over on me.  The problem with that is even the good guys can’t see past that persona. I needed to soften my rough edges to attract the kind of love I desire, but I also needed to take this journey to undo years of feeling deceived. All of us bare scars from past loves but some of us take a little longer to heal.  Don’t let being alone on Valentine’s day make you feel less valued. Own it! Being single is not so bad and it gives you time to figure out what you really need and want. I know now I can love and trust again and this time I’ll know who deserves it. Do something nice for yourself this Valentine’s Day and put aside the pity party of being alone. Do you Boo!

With Faith, Hope and Love,

~Teresa

2 thoughts on “Still Dreading Valentine’s Day

  1. Teri Joblon says:

    It’s weird how Valentime’s Day affects so many people , whether you’re single or in a relationship. Somehow it’s supposed to sum up your love life. Personally, I’ve never gotten it. How does one day do that? It really doesn’t matter to me if John and I go away for the weekend, have a romantic dinner, or we spend it at home with the boys eating takeout. Last night was dinner at a restaurant around the corner. I had to work until 7, and it was close, convenient, and I had a gift card I wanted to use! I think Valentine’s Day is kindof like New Years Eve. If you have awesome plans then you are obviously a really cool person, and someone that everyone would either be jealous of or want to hang out with. Just because you have a great Valentines doesn’t mean your love life is anything to write home about. It’s every other day of the year that matters- when it’s not expected, or loudly proclaimed (i.e a big bouquet sent to your partner’s work place). Seriously, love should be turning on the coffee pot for your spouse when you leave the house at 6am, filling up their gas tank when you drive their car, or sharing your favorite _______(fill in the blank). I think the past 5 years has led you to where you are today. You were meant to be an inspiration and encouragement to others, and maybe that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t experienced what you had. I also believe that difficult times are what help us grow and become a better version of ourselves. When the time is right, you will find love again. In the meantime, remember that this is a time for healing, reflecting, and spending time with yourself. You inspire me, and I am lucky to have you as a friend!

    • Tsjgmason says:

      Teri, I couldn’t agree more on your perspective of showing you care every day and how unimportant Valentine’s Day is in the grand scheme of things. I know that my journey has lead me here for a greater purpose and for that I am truly grateful. Thank you for your support and encouragement…it truly means the world to me as does our friendship. I feel so blessed to have you as a friend I know that both of us have endured struggle that has given us strength and compassion for others that helps us to become that better version of ourselves as you mentioned. I love you and can’t wait to see you in Cali again. 🙂 xoxo

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