What is wrong with men these days, seriously?? Sorry to all the good men reading this little rant of mine, but others in your gender are just plain stupid sometimes. (I know; I know so are others in my gender too.) As you know, I’ve decided to stay away from online dating, due to the recent horror stories I’ve shared in previous blog posts. D.O.N.E! I’ve learned my lesson. Thanks, but no thanks. I figure I have a better chance meeting a nice guy in Home Depot or Barnes & Noble than the losers I’ve being finding online. Have I really been reduced to being one of those women trolling for guys in the tool isle or the self-help section of a book store?? Yes, yes I have and here is why…
So, I’m out with my friends on two separate occasions last week. The first night, we were enjoying our favorite new game “Singo” at our favorite sports bar. (It’s like Bingo, but with songs…it’s sounds corny, but it’s a lot of fun.) I was talking to my girlfriend and all of a sudden, this guy comes up to talk to us. He seemed nice, so we started chatting. He also seemed really young and I have no desire to be a “cougar”, so now I’m trying to figure out a way to get out of this. Of course, my girl exits left immediately and now I’m stuck talking to him. (Thanks girl!) :/
He asks if we could go out to the patio to talk and I reluctantly went along with it. I was sure to give my friends the look to come rescue me as we passed by. We chatted a few minutes about what he did for a living and how he likes to work on cars and ride motorcycles (not really my type). He seems really sweet until he invited me to come back to his place for a few drinks. Insert snarky air quotes, “so we can get to know each other better.” Yeah, right!! I looked at him in shock and said, “That’s pretty forward—I just met you! You really think I’m going to go back to your place??” He looked at me with surprise and said, “Yeah, why not? I’m a nice guy…I promise I’m not a creep.”
Little did he know he already proved to be a creep, by asking me to go back to his place 10 minutes after I met him. Luckily, my friends came to the rescue and I was able to dodge that bullet. We went back inside and I went to use the restroom. As I came out, he was waiting for me and asked me to meet his friend. (Not creepy at all.) I went over to say “hi” and be polite and his friend happened to be a retired cop. This guy asked him to vouch for him that he wasn’t a creep. Seriously? Just because a cop says you’re not a creep, you think I’m going to believe him? Think again! I’ve met a lot of cops that are creeps themselves, so that doesn’t hold a lot of weight with me.
It turns out the cop knows a lot of mutual friends of ours, so we chat for a while, then he says to his buddy, “I’m getting ready to head out…are you ready?” The guy turns to me and says, “I’d really like to stay and hang out with you, do you mind driving me home? I live right up the street.” I stuttered a little and said that I have to drive my friends back to their house too, but he keeps insisting. Like an idiot, I don’t want to be mean, so I said “I guess we can drop you off”. It was one of those moments when I immediately regretted saying that, but you have to understand that I’m a people pleaser and I have a hard time saying “no”. He was also looking at me like a little puppy dog and he seemed harmless.
I went back over to my friends and muttered under my breath that this guy wants me to take him home. Then mouthed the words to my guy friend who was there, “HELP ME!” When the puppy dog (who literally followed me around all night) went to the bathroom, I quickly devised a plan to have my friend act like he likes me and come to my defense. Welll…that didn’t work! Darn! I thought it was a good plan! Instead my girls took charge and put him in his place pretty quickly. On the way home he insisted I take them home first. We all protested and said “no way!” We are dropping your ass off first. He was a pushy little puppy dog—that’s for sure! When we dropped him off he was all annoyed and pouted when he didn’t get his way. Sorry, not sorry buddy. This lead to a discussion with my girls on the way home about how surprised he was that I turned him down. Do women typically go home with guys they just met at a bar? My answer was “Hell No!” My friends answer was, “Yea, if he’s cute.” This lead to an intervention with her on safety precautions for newly divorced women. I would hope it goes without saying that this is not a good idea for any woman to go home with a stranger, but I guess times are a changing! I prefer to remain old school and not end up in a dark well while my captor is sewing a skin suit of his ideal woman. Has everyone seen Silence of the Lambs??
Anyway, he tried to text me after and I just ignore him until the texts wouldn’t stop, so I had to lay the smack down and tell him I wasn’t interested. Jeez…some guys just don’t take a hint. He was probably running out of fresh skin. Yikes!
A few nights later my friends and I are going to see a band at an outdoor patio and I walk in with my girls and order a drink at the bar. This guy starts to talk to me and I’m thinking…do I have a sign on my back that says, “Single lady—come talk to me”. Seriously, I never get hit on a bars like this! What the hell is going on? Anyway, he’s seems nice (like they all do at first) and we start talking. He’s tall and pretty good looking and he had a good sense of humor. My girl is next to me giving me the thumbs up and I just shrug my shoulders thinking he may be a possibility. Who needs online dating?! This guy was charming and said all the right things. He really made himself look like a guy who was looking for a real relationship. Until….
One of my friend waves to me to come over and take a picture, because we don’t have enough of those group selfies on our Facebook and Instagram pages. 😉
We take a couple of pics and I look over to see where the guy was and he has his arm around the waist of another chick flirting with her. SMDH. Of course I totally ignore him, but he has the nerve to come over and try to talk to me again. Hence the title of this blog post “Seriously Dude?!” Are men that stupid? Do men think that women are that stupid? Why in the hell would I talk to you again when you were just trying to press up on another woman?
Note to self: Don’t talk to guys in bars. They are the same imbeciles you meet online. Got it!!!
I’m just going to remain celibate and start knitting…or maybe crochet. It is a dying art form you know. All I know is I’m done being nice. I’m going to turn into those women that have the words “F- OFF” written across my forehead. My track record is really bad. I must have a radar attached to me that attracts all the douche bags within a 10-mile radius. Like a dog whistle that only they can hear.
I’m okay with being an old maid. Its far better than dating another looser calling me Suga Shorts. Right? Well, I’m off to the store to get my knitting supplies. Wish me luck! :p