In just a few short days we will be celebrating Valentine’s Day (insert eye roll). For those of us without a significant other, we like to refer to it as “Singles Awareness Day”. A day where we become acutely aware that we are not in a loving relationship. Well, this year I want you to reverse that belief and gain a new perspective. This year, I want you to do something for yourself and be your own damn Valentine.
Do something special for yourself; whether that’s booking a massage or ordering your favorite meal and have a candlelit dinner for yourself. Draw a bath with your favorite lavender oils and put on some soft music. Whatever it is that makes you feel happy and relaxed–do it. Hell, buy yourself a piece of jewelry or a dozen roses if that’s what you miss about having a valentine. Treat yourself…love yourself.
You see, you have to love yourself and let go of all the “what if’s” in order to make real change in your life. No man or woman is going to do that for you. Once you are able to view your divorce or any past abuse or trauma as something that happened to elevate your life instead of holding on to the belief that it defines you, is the difference between being a victim and being a survivor. Often, we want to hold on to the pain and the narrative that we are broken because it feels safer.
We fear being vulnerable more than we fear being alone. Being alone is safe. Being closed off and replaying the same sad song is what we’ve become. Our identity becomes one of weakness and being unlovable instead of the recognizing the truth which is that you are loved and worthy of so much more. One toxic relationship doesn’t define your worth. Nor does a lifetime of toxic relationships. The only thing that will define you is how you rise above it and claim your worth by showing the world how strong and loving you really are. It starts with you.
If you come from a dysfunctional home, that dysfunction becomes the norm to you. You know how to be broken and feel lousy about yourself because that’s all you’ve known. As soon as you start to make progress and feel good about yourself, you tend to fall back into your old patterns and sabotage your happiness because it feels too good to be true. It seems too good to be true because you’re familiar with things going wrong or people hurting you. You’d rather believe that someone will betray you than to trust in love and allow yourself to be vulnerable. This is where you have to put all your trust in yourself and know that God has your back no matter what happens. You are loved and you deserve love. You don’t have to be religious to know that it’s true–just have faith that you are protected.
I know I may have lost some of you with all this “God talk” but let me ask you one simple question; would you rather believe that life sucks for no reason or believe that difficult times happen because it brings us closer to our purpose? Believe what you want to, but I know for myself, I find comfort in knowing that someone or something bigger than me is helping me along the way.
Life is hard sometimes and people let you down, but just don’t let yourself down. Don’t do things that make you feel shitty about yourself. Don’t date people or stay in a marriage that makes you unloved and undervalued. That’s no way to live. When I ask why the hell is it taking me so long to find love in my life and why I’m not where I want to be in my career…I always look back and see how far I’ve come. I was so weak and felt so powerless back then. Now, I see the strength it took me to leave and the strength it took me to pick myself back up. I needed time for myself. I had to find out who I really am and guess what…I like who I’ve become much more than who I once was. That is a gift. That is the reason for all the bullshit that happens in our lives. You can’t grow if you don’t stretch your wings and learn how to fly on your own. That’s just keepin’ it real my friends. Happy Singles Awareness Day!