These are strange days we are living in. We are forty days into quarantine and one day just blends into another. Going into the grocery store feels like the apocalypse is coming with everyone wearing facemasks and hoarding toilet paper. If you’re not careful you could easily fall into depression or allow the news and all the conspiracy theories make you spiral into a panic attack.
We have to get our minds right. We have to get centered and believe that everything will be all right. Personally, I get outside in nature every day, practice yoga, meditate and listen to Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds. He heals my soul every time.
Full disclosure, the first two weeks of this I was in a bad place. We all were. Humans don’t do well with uncertainty and the unknown was making all of us panic. I found myself eating more, drinking more, and crying more. I felt myself falling into a dark hole and it felt safe but scary at the same time. The wine made me feel better temporarily but the next day it made me feel even more depressed. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant after all so the effects can magnify anxiety. Food is comfort but poor choices made me gain a few pounds, which caused me to feel even worse. It’s a vicious cycle of self-medicating to feel better only to make yourself feel worse.
I decided to make a shift in weeks 3 and 4 of quarantine. I realized that I had to stop watching the news, cut back on the snacking, and get a handle on my wine intake by not drinking during the week. I started to pour my energy into my writing instead of binge-watching tv and focused on what I need to do to make my ambitions come to fruition. Not to get all spiritual and “woo woo” but I saw quote I had posted once that read:
“Be a reflection of what you’d like to receive. If you want love, give love. If you want truth, be truthful. If you want respect, give respect. What you give out will always return.” ~Kristen Butler.
I realized that I had a lot of work to do emotionally. Working on the book that I started writing years ago brought up many of the old emotions. I see things differently now. At the time, it was raw and I was processing the emotions. Now I see how far I’ve come but I still have a long way to go. I’m not holding on to the pain of losing my marriage, my job, and my home. The past does not define my future.
I started to visualize what I really want to attract into my life. I visualized publishing my book and making my kids proud of my success. I was talking to a friend that helped me find this new mantra and I’m so grateful to her. That is something so powerful to me because all I want in life is to show my children that despite the pain and heartache, despite the failures and let downs—their mother picked herself up and made her dreams become reality. That’s all I want for them and if I don’t show them it’s possible they will believe it’s too far out of reach.
The second thing I had to do is let go of this narrative about my love life. Believe me, I love writing about all these crazy dating experiences I’ve had over the years but is that what I want to attract? More crazies? No thanks. Do I want to believe that now that we’re in global isolation I can’t find love? The answer is no absolutely not. I started to pray and visualize the type of relationship I want in my life instead of comparing all men to my past dating debaucheries. A few days later, I started talking to a guy on one of my dating apps and something clicked. We’ve been talking for the past week and it’s crazy how much we have in common. He even said that we must be kindred spirits. We vibe on a different level of anyone I’ve ever talked to. Yeah, the timing may be bad considering we’re meeting each other during a global pandemic. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to meet in person for what could be months, but I don’t think it’s going to matter. We connect on a whole other level and we both can’t wait to meet each other. I’m really feelin’ this guy and we could have a beautiful thing. My friends of course were shocked to hear me of all people talk like this. One of them said, “I’m a tough nut to crack, so she’s really happy for me” I had to laugh because she’s totally right. I have been protecting myself for so long and the only reason I wasn’t finding any quality men was because I was focusing on what I don’t want instead of what I do want.
My wise friend that helped me find my new mantra also shared that if we’re always looking for the red flags we are going to find them. That was a “light bulb moment” as Oprah would say. I have spent years looking for guys to show me their flaws. Looking for signs that they were not to be trusted. Well, guess what? I found them! Now, this is not to say bury your head in the sand and put up with bullshit. On the contrary, this means stay on that high-level frequency of having that honest, loving relationship that you want and that is what you will attract. As long as you stay on that frequency, the people that don’t rise to that level will fall off. They won’t be able to meet you there and you’ll come to see that you didn’t want that type of relationship anyway.
That in combination with holding on to a little part of my ex-husband and the pain he caused was only holding me back. I started to visualize him happy with his new wife and their beautiful baby boy and wishing them happiness and love. You see if you hold on to anger and bitterness it will come back to you. It doesn’t serve me anymore to be envious of what he has and what I don’t. I can finally let go and wish him health and happiness with his new family. Don’t get me wrong—it still takes work but if I shift my low-level thinking I’m able to get back to a better place.
I’m sure I’ll slip up from time to time but I’m getting there. I find myself looking into the future after meeting this guy and worrying about being vulnerable again worrying about being disappointed like in the past but then….I return to love. Mindset is the key to attracting what you want and quelling those fears. I see it working and I’m so excited about what the future holds. I won’t let fear steal my joy.
I did the same visualization with my body. You see, for weeks I was feeling frumpy and lethargic. My body responded to those beliefs and I gained weight. As soon as I started getting into alignment and loving my body, cutting back on snacks and alcohol –my body responded by losing 8lbs. It’s almost like a secret key to unlocking the mind-body connection. To some of you, you might think I’ve lost my mind under quarantine but I challenge you to try and see for yourself. You gotta get your mind right and everything will fall into place.