Dating is Like the Circus

This dating thing is like going to the circus. You enter the arena and you never know what you’re gonna get. You might see a lot of freaks that make you want to run, your occasional trapezes artist that may be great in bed but they never land on the ground and of course the magicians that POOF…disappear into the night. Not to mention the clowns that may make you laugh but then can’t carry on a relationship to save their lives. It’s all just one big circus. Everyone knows how to put on a show but when reality hits, they don’t know how to act.

Okay…okay…I know I may sound jaded and perhaps a little cynical but I just want the merry-go-round to end. Even when I think I meet a really nice guy they end up disappointing me. Is it really too much to ask to have a man make the effort to treat me with respect and take me out on a normal date? Someone who will make time for me and make a few romantic gestures occasionally.

You would think men my age would know how to treat a woman by now. We are actually very easy to please. You take us out to dinner or a movie, tell us we’re pretty, stroke our hair, and call us the next day telling us what a wonderful time you had and how you can’t wait to see us again. Seriously…it’s that frickin’ simple! I swear men get worse at dating, as they get older. Perhaps because they’re too cheap to spring for dinner or a $12 movie, but if you like someone, isn’t it worth it? I just don’t get it. I know I’m old fashioned when it comes to dating, but do we have to accept the fact that romance and just a little bit of respect is dead and gone?

I’m at a point in my life where I’m not going to have someone in my life who isn’t willing to put in the effort to form a real relationship. Maybe everyone’s definition of a relationship is different, but there are some common threads that run through every core belief.

  1. You have to make time for that person in your life.
  2. You have to show them that you want to nurture a relationship
  3. You have to communicate your expectations and your desires
  4. You have to work at making that person feel special
  5. You have to stop screwing other people

That’s it—5 simple rules! That seems pretty simple to me—but then why is it so difficult to find someone who shares that belief? Am I an anomaly? Am I asking too much? I apologize for venting but I’m not sure our species will continue to exist if men don’t get this through their thick skulls!

I know that’s not fair. It’s not just men…I KNOW! Women do it too. I was guilty of it right after my divorce. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I got rid of a couple great guys out of fear of being hurt again. I know there are woman that say they want to find a loving relationship but then continue to sleep with jerks that they know are never going to give them the love they truly desire. We can be just as dense, thinking that somehow that person is going to change and fall madly in love with us when they have proven otherwise time and time again. Been there done that. Admittedly, sometimes women wouldn’t know a good guy if it hit them in the face. Sometimes we stay with the bad boy because we know not to expect anything and ironically, it feels safer to be with them then to become vulnerable with someone that could truly express love and respect.

Having been in dysfunctional relationships in the past (boarding on abusive) I have had to do a lot of self-reflection and personal work to counteract what seemingly feels “normal” in a relationship. I have much higher expectations for what I want in my next relationship and I’m not going to lower my standard for what I know I deserve. I won’t be with someone who disrespects me in any way including making me feel last on their list of priorities. I won’t be with someone I can’t trust with my heart and will never give my heart to anyone who doesn’t cherish it and love me enough to stay faithful.

I may be quick to turn my back on someone that may have potential but it’s because I’m not going to waste my time and energy on someone who doesn’t know my value and treat me as such. I wish every woman out there did the same. Perhaps maybe then, we wouldn’t have as many men treating us with such disrespect and exerting their power and control over women. I’m a proud feminist who believes that men only get away with what women and society allow. It’s time to change that narrative and live in our own power. Not as pretty weak objects for pleasure but as equals that deserve to be valued and protected.

Sorry…too much? Well, if you think that then you may be part of the problem. In the age of swiping right and swiping left, we have created an alternative society that molds the belief that the next swipe might be better. Therefore, men and women never take the time to nurture the person they’re with at the moment. They never establish clear boundaries of how they should treat each other. They just discard it for the next shiny thing that comes along. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t want a lasting loving relationship and move from one person to the next in a matter of days. It takes patience, time and attention. If you feel you’re wasting your time then 9 times out of 10 you are. Let go of the person that doesn’t give you exactly what you deserve and don’t give up on the one that deserves your effort.

Once you make that important distinction, everything will become very clear. You’ll know exactly what you need to do and if you’re looking for self-improvement and know your self-worth then you’ll never make that mistake again. Don’t buy tickets to the circus again. It’s all just an illusion.

With Faith, Hope, and Love