I made a vow to myself that 2018 will be the year of positive change. Out with the old negative thoughts and beliefs and in with a renewed view of life. With every new year I have said this and waited for the change that never came. The truth is, I took a passive approach sitting in the passenger’s seat waiting for the universe to magically give me the life think I deserve. It’s time I sit in the driver’s seat and instead of waiting for positive change to happen– I’m going to make that positive change happen. Since my divorce I’ve been through a complete transformation. I found the…
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Moving On
The holidays can be a difficult time after a divorce. The hardest part is letting go of family traditions and trying your best to create new ones. It can be a vulnerable time and emotions can surface that you thought you were over. We start to feel like we’ll never get over this and wish things could go back to the way they were (even if things weren’t so great when we were with them). Often we know that the relationship has ended long before we’re willing to admit it and we hold on by a thread hoping things will turn around. In most cases there is one person in…
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All The Single Ladies
I often wonder what differentiates the people who find love soon after a divorce and those of us that find ourselves rolling our eyes every time we hear that stupid song, “All the Single Ladies” at a party when everyone turns to us expecting our hands to go up like it’s our f**king national anthem. Don’t get me wrong I love me some Beyoncé, but I hate that damn song. Let’s face it…no one likes being single all the time. Even the self-proclaimed bachelor gets lonely on a Friday night or wants to cuddle on a Sunday morning. They’re just too selfish to want to put in the work to…
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Dating Depression
If you ask any single person (young or old) how they feel about dating, you’re most likely going to get an immediate eye roll and a response saying something to the effect of “dating sucks”. I remember just before my marriage was ending, I would hear friends talk about how awful the dating world is and I would think to myself…how bad can it be? I used to think it would be so exciting to meet new people and feel those butterflies again–until I had to actually experience it for myself. The truth of the matter is, that if you’re in a miserable marriage then anything is better than being…
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Relationship Goals
When you’re single you tend to fantasize about your ideal relationship. You look back at your past relationship and remember how it fell short. You think about all the times they didn’t meet your expectations and just how incompatible you really were. You may have found yourself pretending to like things they liked just to please them. You realize that you may have been bored or felt completely disconnected from the person you slept next to every night. Fast forward years after your relationship ended and you vow to never feel that you are alone in your relationship ever again. This time around you want to find “the one”. The…
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Finding Gratitude
We all go through tough times. Some more challenging than others, but none the less life always comes with a dose of reality that shows us that things are never going to be easy. Just when I find myself wallowing in self-pity or feeling like the world is somehow working against me, I hear a story that shows me that I need to shut the hell up and be grateful for what I have. A story of a mother losing her child to suicide, a story of a young man becoming a paraplegic from a car accident, a story of a family losing everything they own in the floods in…
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Breaking the Chains that Bind You
As I sit here feeling alone and longing for my next chapter to begin, I wonder how I break those chains that bind me to my past. Those chains that keep me fastened to the pain that I thought I had overcome. The pain of heartbreak and disappointment. The pain of wondering if my future holds the love that I’ve always longed for…or is this is it for me? Will I find the love that I’ve always deserved or is the past going to haunt me forever? Will the past be the one thing that keeps me from my future? As I look at the house that we built together…
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Learning to Love Again
Over the years I’ve had the privilege of meeting people that share their joy, their pain and their insight with me. I’m not big on superficial, empty conversation…I like to get to the core of a person and see them for who they really are and I want them to see me. Through all these conversations, I’ve learned that as humans we share one very important connection. Love and pain. One person’s pain may be greater than another, but never the less pain always exists. The truth of the matter is we would never experience pain if we didn’t experience love first. The pain comes from the loss of love…
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Summer Lovin’
Ahhh… summer. It’s the time for relaxation, fun in the sun and a good summer romance. I think I watched the movie Grease too many times as a kid, because every summer I think I’m Sandra D about to fall in love with Danny Zuko and make out on the beach. I just returned from our annual girl’s weekend in Portland, Maine and had the best time. Had a little too much fun perhaps, but as summer comes to an end I want to enjoy every minute of it. While I was there, something unexpected happened… I met someone and dare I say he has all the qualities I’m looking…
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Writing Your Own Narrative
It occurred to me recently that two people in the same relationship can have very different perspectives on just about everything. We all know that women and men think differently and don’t perceive the same occurrences through the same lens, but it goes beyond that really. Every time we argue with someone it’s because we want the other person to see things the same way we do. We are right and they are wrong. We often go outside of the relationship to a third party to get validation that indeed we are right, because that third party is only hearing our perspective. Would they feel that way if they heard…
