Fasten your seat belts people. You’re in for bumpy ride. For those of you that have recently gone through a bad break-up, a divorce or any type of loss, I wish I could tell you it will get better after a year…even two, but the truth is it doesn’t always work out that way. There is no magic number or pill you can take to make things feel better again, you just have to buckle up and ride the crazy train.
The process of healing from heartbreak can take years, but the good news is that it’s not all bad, there are ups and downs…good days and bad days. One day you’re feeling free and inspired to reinvent yourself and the next day you’re feeling sad and depressed curled up in a ball binge watching stupid love stories while balling your eyes out. You just never know.
There are times when you think you’re losing your f’in mind because you thought things were going well until something smacks you in the face and you find yourself in a downward spiral again. Like when you see your ex profess his love for his new girlfriend on Facebook or your dishwasher springs a leak or your car breaks down and suddenly you lose your shit because emotionally you can’t take another bad thing happening. I know…I get it. We’ve all been there and we will be there again, because the truth is, life doesn’t automatically get better just because you find someone new, drop 20 pounds or you get a big raise at work. Life is full of painful experiences and in every painful experience there is a lesson to learn and an opportunity to grow. If everything went smoothly all the time, we would never reach our full potential or have compassion for others. We would never appreciate the good times and see the blessings in our life. As bad as things may seem right now, I know you can count at least 3 things you’re truly grateful for in your life. Go ahead…name 3 things.
Mine are easy; my beautiful kids, my amazingly supportive family and friends that I love and make me laugh through all the bad times. Knowing that makes me recognize that I have more going right for me than all that may be going wrong. That’s all that really matters to me and that’s what keeps me strong.
The important thing to know is that it is completely normal to feel the ups and downs from time to time especially during the holidays and the milestones in life. It’s also important to feel those feeling and not push them away or mask them with things that numb the pain like booze, sex, shopping or food. Trust me, I’ve used them all and they don’t work. In fact, they can make it much worse because it just leads to a hangover, being used by a dirt bag, maxed out credit cards and getting fat. That’s not going to help you feel better…that’s just a temporary fix that has negative side effects.
Find more positive ways to cope with the pain, like going for a long walk, reading a good book, talking to a trusted friend or if you’re like me, write it all down on paper. Remembering that there is a purpose to this long journey and it allows you to see the blessings underneath all the pain.
Don’t believe me? Are you rolling your eyes thinking that I’m full of shit? Then I want you to close your eyes and envision yourself a few years ago, in the relationship that brought you all that pain. Do you want to go back there? Do you want to be that person who allowed someone to treat you so badly? I’m guessing the answer is “no”. That is the proof to understand that you needed to move on and get out of a toxic relationship. That is the proof that you are becoming a stronger and happier person.
If you had stayed you would have continued to die a little more each day. Your spirit couldn’t grow and become the person you are meant to be. You’re not meant to be miserable and unhappy. You’re meant to grow and flourish. You’re meant to learn from the past, so that the pattern is not repeated. We may not be able to see it right now, because we still have some lessons to learn, but we are right on the precipice of jumping off that crazy train and looking back on the experience as a journey that we needed to take to find the person we are today.
Years later, I’m not where I hoped I would be. I thought by now I would have found a great guy and I’d be building a new career as a published writer, but instead I’m still single after 5 years and forced to sell my home because I’m still in a financial hole after losing my job. I’m probably in the worst position I’ve ever been in and it feels really shitty. There are days I just cry myself to sleep. There are days I want to give up, but I don’t. I will never let my circumstances define me because I remember those 3 blessings that keep me fighting and keep me full of hope. I remember that God has big plans for me and I am on the verge of things turning around for me. This journey wasn’t just bad luck. This journey happened so that I could find true and honest love. This journey happened so that losing my job would unlock a love of writing that I never knew I had. This journey happened so that I could understand and help others that feel the same. Nothing is wasted. Nothing is a mistake. Every form of pain has a purpose that is designed to help us find our purpose.